Howard's Way

By The Sav on May 2, 10 08:39 PM in

It has occurred to us that Howard Webb made quite a bad decision. It is not for us to malign Britain's most senior referee. Perhaps he can do a better job than the headset - wearing idiot who booked a player three times before remembering to send him off in the last world cup. It may not be as blatant as Sparky Clatterberg's Gerrard-instigated sending off of Tony Hibbert. It does count up there with Clive Thomas - aka Satan's watchdog - and his history-changing decision in 1977. It may be that it will cost Everton European qualification. But so did draws at Birmingham, Villa, and others. That said, there is more to Howard Webb than meets the eye, and I got to wondering about the mistakes that seem to be his way. It would appear that throughout history there has been a Webb making bad decisions.

I have managed to unearth some Webb family blunders (aside from the fateful one nine months before Howard's birth). Here are a few:
'If there's one fella Caesar can trust with his life, it's that Brutus. Like father and son, they are.' - Marcus Nobbius Webbius, senator and unremarkable seer.
'I wouldn't worry about them Normans. They're all mouth.' - Athelstan Webbrag, senior battle tactician, court of King Harold.
'I don't know why they're calling it the Black Death. You just get the sniffles, a few boils under your arms, and all your orifices bleed. I've seen worse.' - Geoffrey de Webb, court physician 1347 -1348.
'Mein Fuhrer, Russia will be a doddle.' Wolfgang Von Webber, Howard's great uncle on the General Staff, Third Reich.
'Groups with guitars are on the way out. ' Buzz Webb, Howard's uncle and Decca manager who turned down the Beatles.

So we see that error is endemic in the Webb family tree. Perhaps he will think twice before going to the World Cup and being the possible cause of an international incident. Or perhaps we shall be subjected to yet another Webb faux pas like the one uttered by Lieutenant Fortesque Smythe-Webb on the first day of the Battle of the Somme:
'This will be a walk in the park.'

Perhaps readers can offer some other examples of when Howard or his ancestors have been mistaken in their opinions.