Concerns regarding budget forced into open during break

By The Sav on Oct 10, 09 01:48 PM in Fans

With the international break forcing inactivity in some quarters, there has been time for certain issues that have been simmering to bubble over.

A recent contretemps between two senior Everton staff has recently been brought to our notice. An account follows.

The scene is in David Moyes' office. Bill Kenwright is also present.

DM: Bill, Mavis the tealady says we are out of hobnobs. Could you sub her a tenner to get in some biscuits? I can't drink tea on its own. It's like lager without a chaser.

BK: Well, just hold on there, Dave. We're pretty stretched, you know. (I've been a blue all my life.)

DM: You give Mavis a tenner now. We need hobnobs. Buy some.

BK: Well how about if we sell some chocolate fingers then we can buy some hobnobs? This club's in me blood.

DM: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR WEST-END LUVVY MIND? I'm not getting rid of the chocolate fingers. That's why anyone drinks tea - so they can dunk in the fingers.

BK: Dave-

DM: Don't call me Dave.

BK: gaffer, there's no need to get all upset. Everyone loves chocolate fingers. You could get loads of hobnobs for just a couple of fingers. (Blue man and boy).

DM: That completely misses the point. I want chocolate fingers AND hobnobs. I want variety. You can't have just one biscuit with your tea. Who are we, Blackburn?

(Enter Robert Elstone).

RE: How about a latte and biscotti?

DM: Are you out of your skull? Go and have a prawn sandwich you bean-counting suit.

BK: I could get you some Rich Tea, no sweat.

DM: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. Have you tried dunking Rich Tea? Have you? It just dissolves into the cup. IT'S LIKE DRINKING SICK!! Is that how you treat your 3-times manager if the season? Is it?

BK: No David.

DM: Then don't talk to me about rich tea biscuits.

RE: I suppose that rules out custard creams.

DM: They might go down in your boardroom, Bobby. But my lads don't touch custard.

BK: Look we're getting nowhere here. I understand you want- er we need some hobnobs. But the fact is that petty cash hasn't got it. So we have to offload some other biscuits.

RE: How about dumping a penguin?

BK: Yeah, we've got plenty.

DM: Just the one?

BK: Yeah, we'll get at least two or three hobnobs for a penguin.

DM: Okay then. But just one penguin.

BK: Okay David. Just one. I love this club.

DM: Penguin, not Clubs.

BK: Sorry.

DM: And I get to choose which colour wrapper goes.

RE: Okay, then, there it is. One penguin - boss chooses which wrapper to dump- and we get in at least three hobnobs.

DM: And the next time I need a couple of biscuits I don't want to get into a big palaver again. Is that clear?

BK: Oh yes, my old mate.

DM: Right. Well next week I'm planning quite a tea. I was thinking about getting in some fancy fondants.....

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