Fantasy Football - A team of Everton transfer rumours
Transfer rumours are elusive things. Just where do they come from? We're all familiar with 'paper talk', which is a nice way of saying 'this story is entirely made up', but where do journalists get the inspiration to conjure up the players which football clubs are 'tracking', 'looking closely at', 'monitoring', 'watching through the bushes' or engaging in any such behaviour which would get regular Joes like me and you put on the sex offenders register?
Apart from the usual suspects like the tea lady's cousin's brother's hairdresser's best mate's bank manager's cleaner's son's bus driver assuring us that Ronaldinho IS DEFINITELY ON HIS WAY TO GOODISON, we would like to believe that transfer rumours are the result of consulting with a South American shaman or mischievous football fairies whispering into the ears of sleeping writers.
Everton are not entirely blameless, though. Although you wouldn't know it this summer, the club do have to maintain a healthy interest in a bit of 'import and export' to keep the fans from turning up at the ground with pitchforks demanding new signings.
The cynical among us would say that teams make spurious bids for players just to look busy and make it look like they actually do have some money to 'splash' about. "At least we can say we tried".
I'm not cynical, of course, but what I do know is that if Everton would have bought all of the players linked with the club this summer, Kenwright would have been on the phone to Ocean Finance for a no-hassle, homeowner loan in excess of £100m.
Back in the real world, Everton haven't signed anyone yet, but for your amusement, I have put together the team we could've had had we not decided that Alan Smith is better than all of these players COMBINED.
I've had to stick some midfielders at the back because we haven't been linked with too many defenders this season, but don't worry, this isn't science or anything and there wont be a test.
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